Today, I am frustrated.
a) It's insanely hot. Like 95-degrees-in-the-shade-grab-a-shotgun-hot
b) My barometer says the apartment is at 88% humidity
c) I am imagining my friends sipping champagne, using their finished dissertations as foot rests as their lovely and freshly coiffed hair blows in the breeze of their 20 000 btu air conditioners (I'm in dire need of a hair cut)
d) ...and my cheques have not yet arrived home to be deposited into the account I only keep open to service my student debt.
..so not only is my dissertation writing not progressing today, but neither is my financial plan.
The only thing that is going up is my barometer.
I would like to keep a sunny attitude and keep in mind that this period of relative poverty is only short term...except....I've been saying "short-term" since I was 19. That's 16 years of low income and, possibly, delusion. I'm not really a holistic, meditating, heal the world with my sparkling essence type. I really wish I was, because maybe saying "I'm doing this for the good of my future children" would put this all in perspective.
...but...the problem is I'm not doing this for the good of my future children. I mean, I might be now, but I've been financially struggling since my teenage years - decades before I started thinking about children. Sigh....ah, to have a better attitude...
So the way I see it, I have a choice I can
a) be in foul humour over eating pasta for the umpteenth time this month
b) I can go for a run when it cools down
so... b)...it is.
(written July 13, 2011)