Etsy engagement rings part 2

Squeeeeee!!!! SO PRETTY!
Photo credit: Marajoyce

The Christmas season is fast coming upon us. With trees and mistletoe comes, inevitably, a slew of Christmas time proposals. A Christmas time proposal might mean snowy romance and glowing lights to some. Eternally budget-minded, for me Christmas engagements mean an important expense at a expensive time of year. 

Couples have varying views on what an engagement ring should be. I knew at the time that H proposed to me that I wanted a pretty, reclaimed ring for under  $300. 

As I've mentioned before on this blog, I'm a huge proponent of hand-crafted engagement rings that use reclaimed materials and semi-precious stones (I ended up finding a beautiful piece featuring a semi-precious stone on eBay for $102). I love the aesthetic of such pieces. Buying such rings has the added benefit of supporting a small business, having greater control over design and, in the case of rings made from reclaimed materials, the benefit of  being environmental friendly and avoiding the ethical muck of blood jewels.

Here is a selection of handcrafted rings for under $200 a piece currently available on Etsy*. 

Moonstone &14k Solid Gold Ring by Ringsland - $149

Photo credit: Ringsland

I LOVE the bezel set and the misty quality of the stone. So pretty!! Ringsland makes some rings to order, so there might be wiggle room on stone size and color. 

2.5ct Cushion Cut Ring , Green Amethyst 
                                                 or Citrine Ring by Baragent- $125.94

Photo credit: Barargent

I could not choose between these two very chic rings featuring cushion cut stones available at Baragent. The company's designs tend towards art deco style and statement pieces, with multi-faceted stones. Almost all designs in the shop fall under the $150 mark, with a few pieces coming in at just over $20.

 Aquamarine Twig Gemstone Ring, Silver by Marajoyce - $153.32 

Photo credit: Marajoyce

I am a fan of the bezel set ring, in large part because it reminds me of ancient Mediterranean jewelry. Most of the designs by Marajoyce have a distinct Roman feel to them, with some pieces featuring real Roman era coins.  This particular ring, in my view, is a bit of a departure from the other designs in the shop, both in its stone color and band width. Many of the pieces are larger statement pieces, multi-colored and many featured. Beautiful, but for my taste, this ring really hits it out of the ball park - just a lovely and peaceful mix of aqua/azure tones paired with a silver, tactile band. 

* I have not purchased any items from these vendors. I just dig the rings.  

Scratch and win pregnancy announcements

The itty bitty, teeny weeny, faintest of lines

that changed everything

Photo credit: me

A few weeks after I deposited my dissertation, H and I decided to revisit our plan to have children. We were very quiet about trying to get pregnant, discussing the possibility with no one but my doctor.

We weren't private for long, because 10 days after we decided to try I found myself holding the plastic wand pictured above.  Unabashedly excited about this child, I decided to come up with a playful way to tell my parents the news.

Around 13 weeks, we decided to make scratch and win tickets by following these instructions. Basically, I designed a game-like card and printed it on cardstock. I made mine in powerpoint, saved it as a tif and printed it on our colour inkejet printer at home.

Now to make it a scratch card. Martha Stewart's tutorial suggested painting the circles with a mix of liquid acrylic paint and dish detergent. The trick to making the card easy to scratch is to first cover the areas to be scratched with clear packing tape before painting.  If you just paint the card, you'll have gooey paint on a card that will not scratch off.

Stick a stretch of packing tape to wax paper. The wax paper acts as the sticker backing. Cut the tape to the appropriate shape, peel the wax paper off and stick your packing tape sticker to the space you want to your recipient to scratch.

Then mix your liquid acrylic paint with a drop of dish detergent and paint over the tape. Let it dry and voila, a scratch and win card.

If I could go back I think I would have worded the card "November 23rd, 2012 is my due date". As I worded it my parents discovered I was pregnant when they scratched the first circle, leaving the the last two circles to be scratched after congratulations  and hugs etc.. All of that said, it was an easy project. My parents loved it and it introduced our little one in a fun and lighthearted way.

Wedding rings: make your own

Sometimes the most economic and heartfelt gesture is DIY

I promise to follow up with more on this later - there are a few services kicking around NYC that cost a pretty penny but allow you to make your own engagement ring. It occurred to me that there had to be workshops available through the fashion schools or a lapsmithing society that would teach a person much more about jewelry design and provide them with the opportunity to make an engagement ring.

So..if you are feeling crafty or want to test an interest in jewelry-making-for-real I wanted to let you know that Fashion Institute of Technology offers continuing education and workshops on jewelry design that would teach you a few of these skills.

For considerably less money, the 92nd street Y offers many different courses in jewelry design - from metal working to stone setting to lost wax work.

For more information on jewerly design courses near you, check out the information page of the Society of American Silversmiths.

Semi-precious engagement rings on Etsy

I had intended to post this note on Thursday, but I'm so excited about these artisan rings that I decided to write about them today.

I love engagement rings featuring semi-precious stones. With near limitless colours, cuts and size semi-precious stones open up so many more style possibilities than diamonds. When I was a kid, semi-precious stones were always found in these high, pronged settings, decorated by diamond chips that mimicked precious stones the way a 12 year old might wear her older sister's make up - "You look cheap. Be yourself".

That is, perhaps, why I love artisanal rings featuring semi-precious stones. The rings I most admire seem to follow the vibe of the stone, rather than trying to dress it up like a diamond. I really dig the current trend of putting large semi-precious stones in a bezel setting. To me, the setting lends a pure feeling to the ring - like it might have been excavated out of some long forgotten house foundation, and you are the first person to see it in over a thousand years. Specifically, the rings below remind me of Roman era jewelry and many endless and happy hours I've spent combing through museum displays.

I have not purchased any items from these vendors. I just love the spirit and design of their work so much I really had to share these sites with you. All rings feature semi-precious stones, use reclaimed materials and are made and sold by vendors on Etsy.

...and, of course, all are lower cost

Photo credit: Christine Mighion jewelry

Christine Mighion jewelry

Down right beautiful organic, clean designs with big stones. I love, love, love this big amethyst ring, which retails in the $300-400 range.

Photo credit: Erin Jane Designs

Erin Jane Designs

I actually mentioned Erin Jane Designs earlier this week. I adore her rings. They have a very clean design, some are more geometric than others and the stones are often cut in a "rose" cut - which is an unusual and very pretty cut. This is a beautiful champagne quartz set in reclaimed sterling silver retailing for under $100.

Photo credit: ESDesigns

Elizabeth Scott Designs (Botanical Jewelry)

This is actually precious stone (a ruby), but I love the simple and clean design of this ring. The ruby looks like a flower at the top of a stem. Love it. This ring can be stacked as well, if you are so inclined. ESDesigns has many botanically or water inspired rings and made with recycled metals. This ring retails between $200-$300.

Photo credit: Michelle Lenae Jewelry

Michelle Lenae Jewelry

I looooove blue stones, so I am a particular fan of this ring which features a rose cut blue topaz set in 14k gold. Michelle Lenae Jewelry works with recycled gold and conflict free gemstones. Many of her current pieces use semi-precious stones in light greens, yellows and blues...lending the rings a kind of ethereal quality. I adore the aquamarine version of this ring (below). Both rings retail for between $300-$400.

Photo credit: Michelle Lenae Jewelry

So - what do we think? Yummy or what?

Great sources for low cost and eco-friendly wedding rings

Finding a ring and keeping a clear conscience can be tough

H and I were determined to not spend more than $300 outfitting ourselves with various wedding and engagement rings. We also wanted to limit the ecological and human damage the purchase of our rings would promote. The easiest, low cost, ethical and eco-friendly solution to acquiring wedding rings is to use a family heirloom. My mother and brother gave H my grandfather's wedding band. It was a very touching gesture and H feels very honoured to have the ring.

Sometimes heirlooms aren't a real possibility. Other relatives might want or already have a grandparent's ring. The request for a family ring might spark a competition or fight. The ring itself might not be practical or the intended wearer may simply not like it.

The budget, ethical and eco-friendly alternatives are to either not have rings (perfectly viable) buy vintage, or buy artisan. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we landed my engagement ring on eBay. A couple might not be comfortable with auction or resale sites for a cheap wedding ring purchase. I thought I would share some of the sites we came across while searching for my engagement and wedding rings. Many are Etsy vendors. All offer some rings for between $50 and $300.

Turtle Love

Very unique hand made rings. The artisans of this company try very hard to use reclaimed and conflict free materials......and the office has chickens. How awesome is that?

Sea Babe Jewelry

The makers of my wedding band. Materials are 100% recycled, and the designs are very organic. They do custom work as well - all for reasonable prices. My ring looks like it was batted by the sea..which is exactly what I wanted.

CocoandChia

I adore the jewelry on this site. Rings are reclaimed sterling silver.

Erin Jane Designs

Some very beautiful organic styles, featuring reclaimed metals and unique semi-precious stones

My ring from Etsy vendor Sea Babe Jewelry is exactly what I wanted - an organic and delicate design, made from reclaimed white gold...and budget friendly

How I bought an engagement ring on eBay

"He's taking mess shifts the night before missions to pay for it, but it's totally worth it you guys"

I have a love/hate relationship with weddings. I love events, style and the little crafty things that come along with weddings. I certainly love my husband. I strongly dislike some of the expectations that come with weddings - particularly the expectations of big expenditures.

This is partly due to my own persnicketiness. I don't like being told what to do. I particularly do not like being told to spend my money on rituals and symbols I do not find meaningful.

The 3 month salary engagement ring is one of those rituals. Drop 5 months rent on a diamond some poor Indian child went blind over cutting ? Because De Beers says I should ? Are you kidding me?

When H proposed, he gave me ring. He actually gave me a very reasonably priced ring. Like with so many other couples, this ring was given to me with the explicit expectation that we would return it and look for one better suited to my tastes and lifestyle. Had he given me a family heirloom or something I had pointed out, I likely would not have returned the ring - but being able to return it gave me the option to look for a setting that would better fit under the many pairs of nitrile gloves I rip on and off every day.

I also knew I didn't want a diamond. I'll write a post on the non-diamond engagement ring another time. Suffice it to say, I was not about to drop a crap-tonne of money on a diamond ring either from Tiffany's, the diamond district or Macys.

For me, getting married to H was about being happy and starting a family. Spending money I didn't have on an engagement ring would stress our relationship, push us back from our financial goals and make me feel deeply, deeply fake. H wanted me to have an engagement ring and I wanted to be sure that it would fit our budget. In fact, I decided pretty early on that I would not spend more than $250 on an engagement ring.

Turns out, we spent less that $150.

My eBay engagement ring - $102. 50

Here is how we found and bought my ring on eBay.

We searched for a ring after the proposal

Obviously, finding and buying an engagement ring on eBay works best if the proposal has already happened. eBay shop rules differ from shop to shop. You don't want to get stuck returning something with a limited return period. H proposed with one ring, which we returned before searching for another.

We did away with conspicuous consumption

We immediately ditched the idea that the ring had to be a diamond. We did away with concerns about Harry Winston and Tiffany names. We thought more about practical concerns. I work with a lot of chemicals, so I wanted to be sure that the ring had a gold band and setting, because gold is very non-reactive.

We decided to not care about the ring's "real" value

No matter where you buy an engagement ring, unless you are an appraiser and gemologist, you are at a considerable disadvantage. Precious and semi-precious stones are always marked up, and resell for a fraction of the original price tag. The customer almost always gets less than what they paid. We decided that a very low price and prettiness mattered more than whether or not the stone really was an organic whatever, or rehabbed whats-it. This immediately freed us from concerns of being ripped off.

The steps we took before the search

1) Set budget of $250

We did not exceed it. I didn't look at rings over this price. Why tempt myself?

2) We looked up the eBay complaint procedure

On the chance that the item was very different than described or didn't show up at all, we reviewed the procedures for complaints.

3) I decided what features I wanted in a ring

I came up with a list of semi-precious stones. For a variety of ethical and environmental reasons, I decided I wanted an estate or vintage ring. I made a little list of cuts that I like (emerald, cushion, asscher). I knew that I wanted a white gold setting that would sit low enough for me to get a set of gloves over it.

4) Decided to only look at rings that had an auction date at least a week away

We didn't want to make a rush purchase and not have time to size up the shop or work out shipping costs.

The steps we took during the search

5) We looked at vintage and used rings

There are a lot of "new" rings on eBay, but I wanted an unique ring. The vintage and used rings on eBay seemed the logical place to search.

6) We avoided rings described by catalogue photos

I also wasn't comfortable buying a ring that was described using a catalogue shot - I was pretty sure no matter what I purchased from those vendors, it would not be the ring in that shot. I was most comfortable buying a vintage ring that had it's own clear, individual photo.

7) We stuck to sellers on own continent

This reduced shipping costs and would make a potential return easy as well.

8) We stuck to sellers with 99%+ approval ratings and a history of 25 or more sales

The approval rating is important because it can give you a sense of how well the seller describes their jewelry and turns around a sale. 25 sales may sound arbitrary, but new sellers need to move merchandise too - so we decided 25 sales was our lower limit for sales experience. Buy beware - all sellers on eBay deserve the same scrutiny, whether they are Top Sellers or not.

The steps we took before the buy

9) We looked up the seller's information at the Better Business Bureau and the state attorney general's office

10) In some cases, we asked/check to make sure the seller could provide an appraisal

Given that we very quickly decided to not look at precious stones at all, an appraisal became less of a concern for us.

11) We only looked at items from shops that used Paypal, or a similar service

I think all most shops on eBay use Paypal. Using this service or a similar is important because our use of it provided us with eBay payment protections. Never ever send a personal cheque to an eBay seller.

12) We checked the shipping costs

This can be a doozy. We wanted to be sure we knew how much it will cost to get the ring to our door.

13) We read the seller's feedback reports for "sales" as opposed to "buys"

This gave us a sense of whether or not customers were happy with the purchases/the items showed up as described/if anyone felt ripped off by the vendor.

14) Made sure the vendor promised to insure the package on their shop website

I've had jewelry go missing in the post before, so this was really important to me.

Steps we took when we found the ring

15) We sniped it

We found a ring with an auction date 8 days away. Making a bid at 8 days is just asking for everyone else watching the item to out bid you. Had I bid early, I could have started a bidding war that would have put the item out of my price range.

Instead, I checked in every day to see how the price was moving. I was very lucky. Only one other person put in a bid for the ring. On the day of the auction, we checked into our eBay account 10 minutes before the close time and placed a bid 5 minutes before the sale ended. We set an odd numbered maximum bid near the end of our budget, made the bid...and went about our business. We won the ring - for $102.50

16) ....but we could have bought it right away using "buy it now"

If we had found a ring we really liked that had a reasonable "buy it now" option, that's how I would have completed the sale.

After the buy

17) Sizing and polishing

I got the ring sized and polished for $40. All told, the ring cost us $142.50

Other things we might have done

18) Used an independent gemologist/appraiser to make sure we got the goods

I cared so little about the market value of the ring and it was so cheap that I didn't do this. I could care less. If I had purchased something more expensive, however, I would have taken the ring to an appraiser.

Final thoughts

I have the honour of being H's wife. Starting a family with him is more important to me that the jewels on my finger. People ask me about my ring all the time. They always love it and I'm proud to tell them that we spent so little money on it. Buying this ring on eBay allowed us to better establish our savings and start a home. Its low cost allowed us to focus more on being good partners and less on being good consumers. Really, during these rough times the ring is a citation of how much I love H and how I'd rather be budgeted with him than spending with anyone else.

Happy, happy, happy

Great reception sites for cheap wedding in New York: Part 1, Brooklyn

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

Intimacy = Low Cost Wedding

In my experience the key to a cheap wedding is intimacy. We knew that we wanted to spend time with each guest at our wedding. We knew we didn't want to be pulled from one person to another. We knew that we wanted to hang back, have fun and not work our own party.

60 guests or less = intimacy, low cost and more event space options

When it came down to developing a basic outline of our wedding day, the first thing we did was cap the guest list at 60 people. If I could have had my way, there would have been only 8 people at a friend's house. I can assure you we had some very unusual stresses in planning our nuptials. Every family makes a little bit of noise about the guest list. Please believe me that it is easy to set a limited guest list in NYC. The city resolves guest list arguments for you.

You see, it is very difficult to find a reasonably priced space in NYC where you can host more than 70 people. We both have large families. We have a large group of close friends. We had colleagues we would have liked to invite. It came down to how willing we were to be stressed out by the presence and provisions for over 100 people. We simply couldn't afford to drop $5K on the space alone.

A second consideration was that the food and drink bill are generally the biggest chunk of a couple's expenses. Since we could not find an accessible space where we could fully or partially self-cater (no parental backyards, or friends' apartments, or even campgrounds were found), we had to live with the limitations of NYC spaces and food/drink bills. Original iterations of our plan included dinner or brunch for 25, 40 or 60 people. Given our desire for something intimate, we were happy to host a maximum of 60 people.

Restaurant weddings = savings!!

I am big proponent of the restaurant-based wedding reception. Restaurants typically do not charge site fees. In NYC a lot of thought and effort goes into creating specific moods for restaurant interiors - so many restaurants have chic colour schemes, provide their own flowers and linens. Restaurants certainly provide their own tables, chairs, utensils, plates and glasses. They usually also have sounds systems, often partitioned by room, that guests may use. The restaurant industry here is do or die. By most other cities standards every restaurant with space for a celebration serves great food. If you want to go by NYC standards, every restaurant has been reviewed by critics harsher than yourself, more than once. It is easy to find great food and restaurant receptions can cut your wedding costs by 1000s and 1000s of dollars.

Brooklyn: land of tasty food and great spaces for small gatherings

We started our wedding restaurant search in Brooklyn. Before we settled on Bobo (in Manhattan), we had lined up quite a few restaurants that had beautiful spaces, tasty food and reasonable prices in the Borough of Trees. Many were locavore restaurants and all of them had separate spaces that could accomodate a gathering. When we started our search we started with very open minds - our only initial stipulation was that we did not want to buy out a restaurant (on a weekend night in NY that option can cost 10K+). That attitude opened up an entire world of restaurants with unique character and tasty food. Here is a list of places we fell for...starting with these three in Brooklyn.

Aurora

70 Grand street, Brooklyn, NY

510 Broome st NYC, NY (Soho)

Photo credit: Aurora Ristorante

The Deets

Aurora specializes in rustic Italian and American cuisine. I've tried to put my finger on exactly what I love about this restaurant, and I think the best way to describe it is that the food and drink are inventive and homey, but still taste like you are in another country. Everything has homemade-by-an-Italian-chef-having-fun feel to it. There are two locations, one in Soho and one in Williamsburg. The atmosphere of the latter is divinely relaxing and rustic Italian. The garden is open year 'round to boot.

I had the pleasure of hammering out 4 or 5 reception scenarios with Aurora's extremely patient events coordinator. The coordinator and management were very flexible when it came to fulfilling our needs. We discussed everything from a weekday restaurant buy out, to a large dinner for 25 with other patrons permitted to wander in and out.

I really like Aurora Williamsburg for small affairs. When we priced a brunch with wine for 25, the cost fell to a fraction of what we actually spent on our wedding.

It is one of my favourite restaurants in the city and the price was incredible, so why didn't we hold our wedding there? Well, as I mentioned earlier we were really under the gun to hold a wedding in Manhattan and I really preferred the Williamsburg location of the restaurant.

This is a lovely and very special restaurant. I would recommend any couple look into holding an event at either Aurora location.

Pros

Divine rustic Italisn and inspired American food, romantic and yet farmhouse kitchen atmosphere, great outdoor space, very helpful events coordinator

Cons

We were strongly pressured to hold a wedding in Manhattan. I suppose that's okay. I'd rather save this place for our next special diner.

Traif

229 4th street,

Brooklyn, NY (South Williamsburg)

Photo credit: Traif

The Deets

Traif is a small, but powerful restaurant that specializes in breaking all the kosher rules. It was founded by two Jewish chefs who love all things unkosher. The menu is ripe with cheese and meat combinations, pork and shellfish. Bacon touches just about everything. It is singly the most joyful and deliciously devious restaurant I’ve been to in my many years in New York.

H is Jewish and especially loved the cream of bacon soup we had as an amuse bouche. The food is really divine and the restaurant has a very clean design with a very cute back garden. The GM discussed a few scenarios with us for guests. H and I sized the place up as being best suited to either canapés and cocktails or a buffet for maybe 25 guests. That said, the GM outlined many other options. For our budget, this place really would have been perfect for a small gathering of friends and family after a Brooklyn wedding. I must confess, the restaurant had just opened when we visited. The specific requirements for parties are not clear to me - so I strongly recommend contacting the restaurant early in your search process.

Did I mention the staff is lovely and you can see the cooking in action?– all the more reason to visit. We had such a nice time at Traif I would recommend this restaurant for just about anything involving eating and socializing.

Pros

Great food, inventive menu, intimate setting, happy chefs

Cons

We didn’t know if some members of H’s family would be on board. Our loss.

Ici

246 Dekalb Ave Ste A

Brooklyn, NY

Photo credit: Ici

The Deets

Ici is locavore restaurant in Fort Greene with a reputation for very tasty food and a flair for beautiful events. We did not get out to the venue, but it is a beautiful, well reviewed and popular restaurant so I did not want to leave it off this list. The rooms and backyard of this restaurant can accommodate 40-120 people. Brunch and dinner pricing on the regular menu is beyond reasonable and the restaurant has a reputation for very reasonably priced and impeccably produced special events.

Pros

Well reviewed food (everyone raves about it), locavore, can accommodate small-larger parties, pricing. It is very popular. If you are interested in Ici, I’d recommend contacting the events coordinator early.

Cons

We were under the gun to hold a reception in Manhattan. This restaurant would be great for anyone without that restriction or with more of a backbone than I had at the time.

Happy searching.

Wedding karaoke

Believe me when I tell you that we tried to have a backyard wedding. We really wanted a semi-potluck get together, but neither of our parents' houses had backyards and setting up an affordable backyard wedding in or around NYC proved to be difficult. The primary problem with planning weddings in NYC is that every spot has a fee attached to it and party planner who has arranged some A-list event there ahead of you.

There are no ingenious low cost weddings-on-top-of-parking-garages here.....because even the parking garages have been priced up. Campgrounds and B&Bs outside of NYC are pretty pricey as well. We looked into renting someone's barn in the Hudson River Valley and found a $5K fee attached to it before chairs, tables, food, wine - you named. One very disappointing attempt to get space at a Long Island vineyard came with a $300K site rental fee before food and wine!!!

When we realized that planning a backyard wedding in any other location would prove to be either financially, or logically very difficult we settled on finding a restaurant in the city (we were very lucky to find a fantastic restaurant with a backyard)......alas, this ruled out our bonfire plan. We settled for option 2 - fantastic after party at an activity-based bar.

Neither H nor I are huge karaoke fans. It's fun, but we don't actively seek it out all that often. It turns out to be a pretty cheap entertainment option in the city. Most of our friends have asked or joined us in ad hoc karaoking around town. While, in the lead up to the wedding we ended up going out to quite a few karaoke bars, it isn't a serious activity for us....so why do it?

Well, three reasons

1) we wanted our guests to get to know one another

2) it mimicked the sing-a-longs of my family

3) it's cheap. Buying out a karaoke bar is really, really inexpensive.

Our guests had a blast. Everyone loosened up and had a turn with the mic. It was really cool to see so many people dressed in fancy clothes dancing and having large sing-a-longs. It made our wedding

Buying the alcohol and not the bar = cheap

Here is how we did it. I found all of the karaoke bars within reasonable walking distance of the restaurant. I contacted the management and made an offer - not to buy out the bar or a private room, but to buy a fixed about of alcohol for my guests. We guaranteed the bars $500 worth of business in a 3 hour period and to prepay it in alcohol sales. The bars responded very positively. Had I known that I would get this sort of a response, I might have held my wedding in a bar :)

We asked for bar access during the early evening

We asked for a few hours at the beginning of the night, when business is dead anyway. Bars responded very positively to this suggestion. We were basically permitted to make any arrangements we wanted - bring in outside food, choose any brand of wine or beer, song fees waived. The most conveniently located bar was on board immediately, so I left the other bars in dust and made the agreement with them.

We chose a karaoke bar with a big public bar area

It was really important to us that our guests not feel pressured to sing and getting a private room would put that kind of pressure on people. This meant choosing a bar with a large public area. To avoid a buy-out fee we allowed other patrons in on our party - which was cool because many friendly strangers offered congratulations. We marked out guests's hands with a little red sharpie so that they could access the alcohol we purchased.

We brought in outside and low cost food

Everyone had a very fancy brunch, so it seemed just fine to provide little sub sandwiches as a snack at the bar. We pre-ordered a plate of of sandwiches from the Subway around the corner just in case anyone was hungry. H picked them up with a friend while I ran down the street with half our guests to throw my bouquet down 7th avenue. The low cost food and the fun bar really made for a laid back, relaxing atmospher - ties came undone, shoes came off. Everyone started dancing and singing. It was a fantastic night.

Six pieces of advice I have for someone who wants to arrange this sort of event

a) offer an alcohol buy in place of a bar buy out. This will likely mean letting other patrons in the bar while you are there, but if you do it early enough you may not see anyone. Five patrons might have come in while we were there and they took private rooms and general avoided our party

b) choose a bar with a friendly atmosphere where your guests can hang out at the bar or choose to sing, but are not pressured to choose a song.

c) find a place that is easily accessed from your wedding site (you could even set up karaoke at your wedding site. The cost for a machine rental in the city is almost as much as the alcohol purchase I made

d) make sure the bar has a good book of songs - meaning highly varied. Survey your friends for songs they might want to sing and make sure they are in the book. It makes it a lot easier for your guests to cut loose.

e) make sure the management is consistent. Be sure to meet the people who will staff the bar that night in person. I met one manager but not the next shift manager. The staff turned over in towards the end of the event and this caused a lot of confusion. I spent the last hour in the event in a back office being shaken down by the second manager. I can think of dozens of businesses in the immediate area where this would never have happened.

f) get an agreement in writing - or at the very least a clearly stated email. I had copies of an email agreement with me at the time of the shake down and it helped.

How to throw a cheap and fun wedding in New York City part 1

Wedding price tag is a choice

Word on the street is it is really hard to throw a budget wedding in New York City. That just isn't so. It's hard to throw 120 person wedding at the Pierre on a budget. It's really easy to organize a fun and inexpensive wedding in Manhattan - it's just a matter of ditching what the wedding mags have nailed into you, using common sense and embracing the unique opportunities the city has to offer.

The average wedding here costs 50K+. You can get married here for $35. A 50K wedding is a choice.

I really dislike weddings

Before I get into the nitty gritty I should say a couple of things. I strongly dislike weddings. When I was a kid loved them - then I went to a spate of weddings, one after the other when I was fresh out of college. Then another spate in my mid-twenties, including my first. All but one of these events was a grand affair, in a hotel or museum or historical house. The invites all came on pearlized white stationary. Every couple registered for the same pricey stoneware. Every single one served chicken. Each one drove me closer to financial misery (particularly my own) and they all blurred together. I was happy for my friends, but debt-ridden and stressed.

By the time my own marriage was kaput, the highly commercialized nature of weddings made the institution of marriage look deeply false. My own looks-like-40K but cost 20K was looking like the biggest mismanagement of funds in early 00s.....and that's up against some pretty stiff competition.

Realizing what is important and inherently likeable about weddings

It wasn't until my brother's wedding a few years ago that I remembered why I liked weddings as a little kid. It's a special party that celebrates something new and something happy. When I was a kid the last thing I thought about was the food, flower arrangements, bride's dress or how many attendants there were. Actually, I generally didn't like the dresses or flowers or music. A few of the weddings I attended back then were self-catered or pot-luck. None of that mattered to me. What mattered was that something exciting had just happened and my family was having a great time.

That was the attitude my now-husband and I decided to import to our own wedding.

What we wanted

Fun, inexpensive, fancy house party-like atmosphere with family and friends who were happy for us. We settled on 60 of our nearest and dearest. No political invites. No families either one of us had yet to meet. We invited the people who send us Christmas cards and who visit us in the hospital. We wanted old friends to meet, families to bond and for everyone to walk away with a positive impression of New York City.

We didn't want a dime to come from our parents....we are in our 30s for crying out loud.

Problems we faced

Very few - with the exception of unrelenting and increasingly intense pressure from a few family members to hold a wedding well beyond the combined incomes of the bride, groom and parents and possibly a few aunts and uncles thrown in too.

"You have to have a band". "You must have it in a club or a grand hotel". "You must hire a valet service"

No.we.do.not.

We took this sort of behaviour with a grain of salt. We chose to view this pressure as a fundamental difference in priorities and attitude, and ultimately meaningless and short term in nature.

The budget

We initially tried to organize a wedding for $2000. This is possible. We did figure out a few restaurant-based scenarios where this budget would work (Thursday afternoon wedding), but almost immediately we ran into a few conflicts with the schedules of immediate family members. By moving the wedding to a Saturday (Friday and Saturday weddings cost the same amount of cash here), and given a few of our limitations (no friends or family had adequate space to lend; wherever we held it had to be wheelchair accessible) we upped our budget to the 5-8K arena.

Our process

Keep it simple. Keep it fun. Use your head, not wedding wedding magazines.

The break down

Timeline: We started to plan the wedding at the end of December. We got married in May. Despite having to leave town repeatedly for work, five months was more than enough time. Other than booking the restaurant early, we could have probably pulled the whole thing together in under two months.

Venue - $0

We had so much fun finding a venue. My husband and I basically restaurant hopped over the course of 3 weekends in January. I used a database of restaurants in the city (like menupages and NYMag) and searched for the terms "romantic" and "$ out of $" and developed a list of 50 restaurants in our desired locations. We ruled out all restaurants that didn't respond to emails or phone calls immediately. That left us without 30. We then ruled out anything that was far from train stops. That left us with about 25. We broke up those 25 by neighbourhood. Across three Saturdays, we dropped by the restaurants, had a drink and an appetizer at the bar and sized the place up. We made it to restaurant number 8 when we found...

Bobo (West Village)

I cannot emphasize strongly enough how happy we were to have our wedding at this restaurant. Bobo is imbued with a fantastic whimsical spirit, brought in no small part by the truly lovely staff (so sweet!!). The restaurant specializes in locavore American fare and frequently holds farm to table events. The interior is designed to give you the feeling that you are having friends over for dinner in your really, really beautiful house. We took out the entire top floor of the restaurant, which has a private bar and a gorgeous back deck. The venue cost nothing because we met a minimum price requirement. We would have hit that requirement anyway. Personable staff, eco-friendly and beautiful to boot - restaurant 8 was it. We were sold.

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

Food, cocktails, wine, beer and gratuity - $5200

The food and drink were, obviously, our greatest expense. We chose to have brunch for 60 people. On top of assorted fruits and cakes and an intro cocktail, we served 4 brunch dishes (amazing eggs benedict - with bright orange yolks, chicken salad like no other, a divine orange and watercress salad and really decadent french toast sticks) with a few sides at approximately $45 a head. The event planner really worked with us to design a wine and beer option that worked for us.

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

Invitations - $310 + postage $40.

In retrospect, I kind of wish I had these designed as a pdf by a vendor on Etsy. We considered an evite invitation, but my sister-in-law had a little extra trouble getting responses from guests when she tried it. We settled for an invitation at minted that ended up reflecting the design of the restaurant (similar colours. The downstairs bar area has a birdsnest chandelier). I went in for the little wrap around stickers for the outer envelopes. I have no explanation for that.

Marriage License - $35

Technically, this cost $50 because we lost the first one. Yup. Two days later, we ended up holding a second, and really cool wedding that cost $50. More on that later.

Officiant - $0

Our dear friend agreed to become a clergy via the Universalist church. It was really important to me that we have a sincere and chill wedding. In that spirit we chose to do the following:
a) have no attendants
b) not have an aisle walk or giving away of a bride
c) have a short ceremony - short, as in, 5 minutes tops
d) no rehearsal

Our friend, my husband and I wrote emails to one another hammering out a wedding ceremony that would last no longer than 5 minutes. We actually did this while I was on the opposite coast, about 5 days before the wedding. When we first clocked it, it came in at 2.5 minutes, so our friend extended his introduction so he could chat a little bit longer about how we knew each other.

Music - $15

We used my iPod. We didn't play music during the ceremony, but we set up playlists for eating, before the ceremony/after eating and a first dance. Over the course of January to May I took suggestions from my friends for happy music that would be suitable for eating (not too jarring) and to hang out and possibly spontaneously dance. The day before the wedding I still only had about an hour worth of music - so my Dad dialed through his iPod while my mother and I ran some errands and made a fantastic list of songs - many of which I had, all of which I wanted. At best, I spent and additional $15 in music.


Photographer - $700

I found Shaun Baker on Craiglist. He is a trained photojournalist-style photographer. He was incredibly friendly and an all around nice guy. He was exceptionally priced (this price includes engagement photos), spent many hours with us and was very professional. He mainly shot photojournalistic photos, but spent some time taking a few posed shots. He offers many different packages and worked with us to cover off the important hours of the wedding. He did a lovely job and gave us two discs of literally hundreds of photos.

Jewelry

Rings - $247

My husband proposed with one ring which we returned before settling on a antique emerald cut aquamarine stone in a filigree white gold setting that we found on eBay ($110).

My mother, her family and my brother agreed to give my husband my grandfather's ring. He was very touched and truly excited to wear it.

As my engagement ring is sizeable (the stone is almost 9mm long) so the wedding band needed to be slight or I wouldn't be able to bend my finger. I found this 14K white gold ring on Etsy ($137). The vendor, Seababejewelry was really great to work with and altered the hammering pattern for me slightly.

Earrings - ($24)

I love earrings but I never buy them. We chose to wear a few shades of green the day of the wedding, so I picked up these prehnite drop earrings from Etsy vendor Kerrihale.

Bracelet - ($40)

I found this bracelet (below) on eBay. I've since worn it as well as the earrings about once a week since the wedding.

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

Photo credit: Kerrihale jewelry

Clothing

Dress - $220

I spent approximately two 1/2 hours searching for and trying on wedding dresses. My husband decided he really liked the "Gracie" by J. Crew, a fold-over halter dress made of silk mid-weight tricotine. It was not the first dress that caught my eye. When we left the J crew store, I found it on eBay and bought it. It is an unusual and very pretty dress, with a kind of Valentino feel to it. Very cool.

Dress cleaning and alterations - $100

Purse and shoes - ($143)

I paired the dress with Nina d'orsay shoes (Culver) in apple green ($89) and a purse designed by Etsy vendor J Carter ($54). I've used both of these items since as well.

Tie - ($15)

My poor husband. The only item we bought new for him was a wide silk tie we found in Housing Works for $15. I then cut the tie down to a 2 inch width the day before the wedding (15 minute upcycle project for another post).

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

Undies and such - $100

So the thing about silk tricotine is that it is pretty clingy, so I had to invest in my first set of lightly shaping underwear and seamless strapless bra. I can't remember the brand name of either of these pieces. I picked up the items at Le Petite Coquette. In retrospect, I wish I shopped around for the slimming underwear a little bit, as these ones tended to give me a pot belly that I don't actually have.....which I feel should be fundamentally against the aims of the product...but whatever...

Hair - $70

I can't do hair. I lack the skills and the hair...so I went to a J Scott salon and had my hair put up in a pretty ponytail with a bit of bump. No try outs or test runs. If a hairstylist can't do a pepped up ponytail, they have no business being in a salon. It looked effortless, was very simple and it stayed in place until the very second I pulled it out at the end of the night.

Make up - $0

I did my own. Bride make-up is heinous. I used the Benefit smokey eye palette, which I use with a light touch most days anyway.

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

Favours - $150

My husband's sister sent us some candles to give away, but I had already ordered mini chocolate bars from Vosges (in Bacon, Amalfi, Naga and Habana). The guests loved them. We had talked about taking a pass on the favours, but the average cost of a 4-5 weekend in NYC in May is around $1000 per couple....so....if they were expecting favours, we were going to give them favours.

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

Cake - $150

NYC has a mandatory $9 per plate fee for any cake that is brought into a restaurant from an outside vendor. We opted instead for a retro, strawberry pudding cake in the shape of cube - made by Bobo's pastry chef. It was pretty amazing tasting - a very fun cake.


Decor

Flowers - $50

My bouquet, 4 pink peonies. I grew up with peonies in my backyard. I first learned about evolution watching ants eat the sugary gum off of peony buds. On a dare, I eventually ran down West 4th street with my wedding guests trailing me. I ran across 7th Avenue and tossed my bouquet high up into the air behind me. It was caught by a passerby woman and her girlfriend. My guests and strangers applauded - we rushed over to introduce ourselves to the couple.

My husband wore a flower clip I had purchased for my hair, but found too large for my head. This was eventually given to one our guests who wore it in her hair for the remainder of the night.

Ring pillow - $0

I took two tourist handkerchiefs that I had anyway, one from each of our home states, and turned them into a ring pillow.

Table decor -$0

The restaurant has flowers brought in every day. The table service included a beautiful plate of fruit and coffee cake. With the soft light coming in through the windows it looked perfect.

Guest book - $20

I bought a vintage index card file on Etsy and filled with address cards I made on my printer at home. I used the image from the invitations and similar colours to make the tabbed cards.

Place cards - $60

This is the only item we actually purchased for decoration. The wedding was casual, but for a variety of reasons, it was really, really important to have assigned seating. I have really unsightly handwriting due, in part, to hand injuries. It's actually difficult for me to write for very long - so I hired Etsy calligrapher NWJCalligraphy to write out my seating cards for me.

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

After party - $500

We knew our time at the restaurant would seem really short and that we really wouldn't get a chance to spend time with our guests. Our apartment is a little small for an after party, so we opted to buy a few hours at a local karaoke bar. This is really easy to do provided you a) do not restrict the entry of other customers and b) buy a nice chunk of alcohol during off hours. We wanted to arrive at 5:30 pm....when no one is out singing karaoke, so the manager was game. We dropped about $500 on beer and a subway sandwich platter. Our guests had a blast, and we were able to invite a few work and new friends as well.

I haven't mentioned the karaoke bar here because I wouldn't recommend their services to another party. The first manager I dealt with was fantastic, but the one that came in about two hours after we arrived and as we were tying up, tried to shake me, and then the first manager, down for more cash...which didn't work. We opted to pass out the remainder of the drinks we purchased and head to another, and final bar. My suggestion to anyone who tries to organize this sort of after party is make life simple for yourself by choosing a bar with one manager who will be on duty all night.

Photo credit: Shaun Baker Photography

All of that said, it was a pretty great night.

Transportation - $15 taxi to ceremony, $5 metro card charges for ride home

We took the train home at 1 am. It was fantastic. Odd stares, but really romantic. We were played out, out of place and just filled with relief and happy memories. It is one of my favourite moments of our wedding.


Thank you cards - $40 + $25 postage

A lovely set made by Etsy vendor PinkInkPaper. I contacted the vendor and asked for a white stamped, black thank you card with black envelopes. When I ran short, she shipped me another order right away. When I received the wrong number of envelopes, she UPS me news ones immediately. She is a fantastic vendor that I will use again and again for Christmas cards and the like.

Total - $8374

Could it have been cheaper? Absolutely. In retrospect there are lots of little things I would change (i.e. type of underwear, size of cake, buy flowers from a stand that day, not cab it down, less on jewelry, not do hair at all, get my husband to write out seating cards)

Final thoughts

Our wedding was a lot of fun. The planning process generated a lot of family anxiety and I think that sometimes distracted us from the real goal - get married, be happy. During the brunch, I was thinking about how people had behaved in the lead up to our wedding and stressing about not keeping to our original budget. While I was doing this, a friend of ours spontaneously jumped up and gave us a wonderful toast.

She said many loving things about us, but she said one phrase that ended up being the important statement made that day.

"Sometimes people will be hard on you, not understand you. That's their business. You will hate your jobs and worry about money. That's okay too - because at the end of the day the only thing that really matters that you have each other to come home to. That's what counts. Don't forget it".