Budget Weddings: Marshmallow chandelier

Hi All,

This pic has been around forever....well, since at least November 2011.  It comes from a stylized shoot of a breakfast wedding by wedding photographer Ely Fair, in collaboration with an Oklahoma-based event design company. Since I saw it a few years back it has been banging around in my brain. I'm long married and do not anticipate getting hitched again by this idea is just too good to leave behind (btw - breakfast parties....amazing. Mid-morning weddings? Why are there so few of those? Who doesn't love breakfast?)

So here I present to you this oft linked to pic of a marshmallow chandelier.

The feel of the shoot is pretty fantastic - crisp morning light, great flower and color combinations and some very tasty looking pancakes. I know the DIY small, laid back wedding thing has peaked as a trend, but the shoot is timelessly gorgeous. Honestly, the earnest, small, and fun wedding will always trump all other trends for me.

 So back to the chandelier - I must bring this into my life somehow. It might be a good second birthday decoration for the little one. It occurs to me, also, that we will be having a Fall house warming in the coming year....so maybe that's the time.

I tried to count the marshmallows here, I put this chandelier at 6-7 bags of the big marshmallows, plus about $5 for the line....which makes it a $20-30 range as a project. The fishing line is wrapped around the marshmallows, which keeps them from slipping or melting around a string that might have been punched through them with a needle. You couldn't do this project days in advance because the marshmallows will melt and deform as they take on moisture - basically you will be up 2 nights or the night before tying these things together, and up the morning of the event tying them to some sort of grid on the ceiling...or a light fixture. This is most definitely a dry air project - late Fall and Winter for most folks. Still...cool. I'd do it.

One consideration for this project. Some transparent rope/fishing lines that you find in the average hardware store next to spools of fine gauge wire contain lead. Be sure to check the labels on the line. California state law requires that lead content be disclosed on such products, so most spools that you find should say something if lead is in there.  Why handle lead if you don't have too?

So it has done the internet rounds, but I really like this shoot - so here it is again for your viewing pleasure. 

Happy deskware: Scout Creative's free pop up calendars

Scout Creative makes my desk a happier place to work

I have completely fallen in love with these papercraft monthly desktop calendars designed by Scout Creative. They are super fun, very cute and, best of all, utterly free :) You can collect your free calendar on their site on the first of every month, or you can subscribe to their email service and they will deliver it right to your inbox. Either way, you are supporting a nifty company and making your desk a more liveable place to work :) This month's calendar is a chicken coop :)

Scout Creative is a content marketing firm that specifically designs papercraft promotional items. They make all sorts of cut out and papercraft toy designs that are designed to promote, say, movies, printers, company entities..etc. They have even made little stand alone paper toy patterns for Disney. Very, very cool.

For the last year-ish, the company has designed a free paper craft monthly desktop calendar. My favorite in their archives is the July campfire scene, but the April record collection is pretty cool too. Browse their archive. The designs are clever, little color bursts that are a little tongue and cheek. They've already made my month...and I finished a PhD in the last 30 days.

Silly thing - it never occurred to me before finding these calendars that there are companies out there that produce papercraft promotional items. When I was a kid I loved, loved, loved cutting these sorts of patterns out of cereal boxes, folding and pasting. When I was doing my Masters, I even went so far as to buy a really complicated cuckoo clock pattern from a store, and assemble it. It took months, but it supposedly worked when assembled. I wouldn't know. I got the whole thing assembled, but couldn't afford the $20 of pennies that I would have had to put into the weights to get the clock started. The paper clock hung on the wall, and the weights sort of hung around my apartment. Still, that experience did not take away from my love of these little patterns. Can you imagine how much fun designing these crafts? If this science thing does not work out, maybe I'll do this for living :)

Super cheap post-Christmas vacation - finding a room

AirBnB - if I want to spend Christmas in Amsterdam, I could stay here for $89/night

Due to a number of reasons, I can't leave NYC over Christmas. H and I are spending Christmas entirely alone, and it's too bad. This is a big Christmas for my family as my brother and my sister-in-law have had the first grandchild. Money is insanely tight in every quarter of the fam as I am unemployed and living in the most expensive city in the Western world, my parents are building a house and my brother just gutted his home. Still, I imagined to convince my brother that we should celebrate Christmas well after Christmas this year. While his family will meet up with my parents in December, we will all meet up in some central location and exchange presents etc. in February.

Now, we have to decide where to meet. We are limited to the continental U.S. and my budget. One thing I have worked out is where to stay. A few of my friends have used Air BnB in the past and have really enjoyed it.

Air BnB is an online service where people post cottages, rooms, apartments they have available to let. The company lists housing all over the world, and manages the exchange of payment. My perusal of the site this week has revealed some amazing housing in some pretty cool places, at low prices.

When I say low, I mean low. Most of the listings I found asked for a flat fee for rental, with little or no price increase to include additional people. I found a beautiful house in a historic Southern city for $167 a night for eight people. That's not $167 per person. That's $167 for all eight. I wish I had known about this service when I was planning my wedding, as it would have been a nice recommendation for guests.

It would seem that with Air BnB I can tie up my housing situation fairly quickly. Now I just have to choose a city that is easily accessible and hospitable in February.

Friends and money: surviving the dinner out when you are broke

You don't have to eat meals alone just to stay on budget

I am now indeterminately broke. My contract just ended. I am not eligible for unemployment and I'm not sure when I will land a post doc. I will now be perpetually surrounded by people who make more money than I do. Every opportunity to socialize will be laden with possible over-expenditures. I am not, however, about to live in a hole - so how to handle nights out and no income?

Well, here are a few things I have tried in the past that seem to work. Remember, I'm not a financial planner. I'm telling you what I have done to stay on budget.

I plan splurges

I actually stole this cash budgeting idea from the old school Weight Watchers Points plan (I lost 20 pounds 14 years ago and haven't gained it back, so this idea works). On the points plan a person has so many caloric points a day/week to spend. They have to hit a minimum number of calories everyday, but they can't exceed a maximum. If they have a special event coming up, they can eat the minimum points (or just above it) and bank the remaining available points for another day. The only rule is that all of the banked points have to be consumed by week's end.

Being on a budget means planning weekly and monthly expenses just like planning caloric points. I plan "excessive" days, set a fixed amount that I will spend and then stay under budget "banking" the surplus money for that special "excessive" day. Friend wants to go to dinner this Friday? Great! If it's Tuesday, and I have a few days to underspend so that I can afford dinner on Friday. If my friend calls Friday and I don't have "points" to spare? I decline and suggest I'll meet them later for something lower cost (i.e. post dinner drink) or I invite them to my apartment (I do this most frequently). I can always bank for dinner out with my friend the next week.

Make back up plans for splurges

I can't emphasize this enough. It makes sense to have some "points" in pocket just in case. I often underspend during the week, anticipating weekend nights out. On the weekends where I do little, I figure out what to do with the excess. Sometimes I put the money on debt, sometimes I buy much needed clothes or order food in. It's my "excess" and I use it by the end of the week.

I am up front about what I am willing to spend

When I meet with a group of friends I am very up front about what I can afford. The earlier my budget is introduced into the planning conversation, the better. I have had to skip a few 30th birthdays and nights out because I've been on a strict budget. I usually make plans to meet up with my friends at a cheaper location after they have enjoyed the place I can't afford. I don't mind missing the experience, because the expense will stress me out and they don't mind because we get to spend some time together.

Don't let shame get in the way of your financial happiness

I am never ashamed of being budgeted. I am budgeted because I am a graduate student. I have worked very hard to finish this degree and part of that means working long hours without compensation. Anyone who would make me feel bad about that is not worth my time. When a friend tells me that everyone is going to the Landmarc and I can't afford it, I wish them well and tell them I'll meet them later.

I don't share food or buy rounds

This is a killer. Shared bills rack up charged very quickly, especially when drinks are involved. When I am strictly budgeted, I simply don't do it. When there is a group of people rotating in and out of a waitressed, seated area a bar I either ask for a separate cheque, close out a tab immediately or I get my drink at the bar and come back.

I alternate water with drinks

This slows the drinking, keeps me from being hungover and leaves my wallet intact. Usually have a club soda, which can be easily disguised as a vodka soda-like drink if I am pressured to have a drink in front of me.

If all else fails, I leave

If I am already out with friends and my attempts to keep the evening low cost are unheeded, I simply step out. The bar hours in this city run until 4:30...and then there are after clubs and diners. A 7 pm after work drink can turn into my key slipping into my front door at 8:30 am the next day. It has happened before - so if my friends really want to go someplace very expensive, and I can't negotiate another location, I let them go without me. My friends are pretty awesome though, so this rarely happens.

Any other tips that might be helpful?

Breaking up on a really, really small budget

"You won't be needing that"

I've spent a lot of time writing about food and weddings on this blog. H and I are pretty tight with a couple who broke up a little while ago. The break up deeply shocked at least one member of the couple. I reminded me that I once broke up with someone I lived with in this city....and that, that break up almost financially ruined me.

Renting in NYC is damn pricey

It's no surprise that living in NYC costs a pretty penny. Rent is especially high, and tends to dictate a person's monthly allowance for "luxuries" like gym memberships and cable. I spend more in my rent monthly than my sibling spends in mortgage payments and insurance every month. Why would anyone ever do that?

Well, 55% of all New Yorkers rent their apartments. I would buy my apartment if I could, but alas a mere 350 sq feet in the cheapest neighbourhood South of 96th street will cost a body at least $200 000. Those 350 sq feet will cost you a lot more if you plan on living in any neighbourhood you heard about on Sex and the City or any other number of fluffy, syrupy television shows about New York. It costs a lot to buy here, about as much to rent. If you are low to middle income, it can be very difficult to gain financial ground. Many people live hand to mouth just to put aside an emergency fund, let alone a down payment.

Add to that the cost of moving - a minimum $500 for movers to schlep your stuff from 5th floor of the walk-up you can afford to the top for floor of the next walk-up you can afford, along with basic moving supplies, and the dreaded first and sometimes last and sometimes even an additional month's rent as security for the new apartment and a traditional move in New York for the lowest end studio or 1 bedroom apartment costs at least $2.5K, usually more.....definitely more if you include a broker's fee.

High rent +break ups = more to worry about than who is keeping the apartment

It's very hard to find affordable housing here. Until the 2008 market crash, most apartment dwellers earned their apartment by being taken to town by countless real estate brokers (15% broker's fees for low end apartments). It's even harder to find an apartment with a few desirable features like a partial kitchen, southern exposure or on site laundry. When you find that big apartment, with the echoey kitchen, short number of flights, southern exposure and maybe even a closet you can convert into an office, and slam down those broker's fees and down payments well...you'll fight to keep that apartment.

Most articles about apartments and breaking up in New York focus on exactly that - who gets the apartment? Such articles gloss over the harsh reality of live-in couple break ups - that is the end of a long term relationship can be financially devastating, even if you don't share any assets.

High rent + sudden break up = WTF do I do now?

What do you do when the break up is sudden? In the case of our friends, one simply left the other with literally minutes worth of notice. Moreover, the one that left makes many fold the income of the other and had been paying the majority of the rent. What do you do when you are mid-lease and caught completely unawares? What do you do when you don't have an emergency fund?

I found myself in very similar circumstances 6 years ago. In my case, my ex and I were olympian credit card users as well. For me, the problem became managing consumer and student debt on 1/3 of my previous year's income AND keeping the apartment. My solution was pretty simple - pack and move to cheaper digs until things emotionally and financially settled down.

How I broke up on a budget in NYC

For me (and I'm not a financial advisor) the best approach was to cut losses and cut losses fast. How do you do that? I took a long hard honest look at my money and fought to preserve it. Here is what I did that first week.

1) Listed all of my basic costs

It was painful, but I sat down and listed out every monthly expense I had

2) Listed all debts and assets - shared or otherwise

This was a really awful but necessary experience. I owed well ~100K on my own. He owed money as well. If I intended to financially survive after this hiccup, I needed to know what debts were due right now and how much I owed for the remainder

3) Listed all of my income coming in.

I listed all income actually coming in..not income I thought might come into my hands

4) Basic costs + debt payments - income = could I financially get by without him?

Nope. I very quickly realized that I couldn't financially survive for very long without some support.

and then over the 1-2 months I...

5) spoke to my landlord about breaking my lease

I told my landlord what had happened and offered to help find a new tenant for a few months down the road. They were very understanding and I was spared the cost of my security deposit.

6) found a considerably cheaper apartment - without a broker

This is important - I skipped using a broker. That meant a lot more footwork for me. In the post-2008 real estate market, many management companies are simply renting directly to the consumer - no fees attached. I stayed in the new digs for about 6 months while I got back on track. The switch to a cheaper place made a big difference in my ability to financially recover. Had I been really been with it, I would have found someone looking for a roommate - still, my new digs were cheap enough to let me pay the immediately bills and get my footing.

7) did not use a mover

I needed that $500. Are you kidding me? I borrowed and rent vehicles and enlisted friends to help move what remained of my destuffed stuff. On the odd chance that my friends could not help me, I threw out or sold well over half of what I owned.

8) cut unnecessary costs

I dumped gym memberships, stopped eating out and (after a brief spurt of insane consumerism) I stopped shopping. It was time to gird the wallet

9) did not ask my ex for specific property...in the beginning

I did not want to have to hire and pay a lawyer to fight my ex for my property, so I made the property a non-issue. I was not, afterall, fighting for the custody of a child or a major asset. I temporarily adopted the view that most everything could be replaced. Everything was packed up in storage and when we calmed down a few months later, we methodically went through shared property and decided who would get what.

10) sold and destuffed as much of my property as possible

Apart from being immensely therapeutic, selling some of the items that were just mine lessened the cost of my move (supplies, gas, vehicle rentals).

11) separated all bank accounts

I actually didn't do this right away. Perhaps I should have. It was done eventually though.

12) made a list of I owed him, and what he owed me

We were both very poor and very much in debt at the time, but we had both paid 1000s of dollars to each other for various expenses over the years. I had paid more to him than he to me. I knew that I needed to be repaid to settle some of the debt I still held from the relationship, so I made a list. When things calmed down a little between us I spoke to him about the debts and we set a repayment plan in place. This plan was only possible because our break up stayed above board - and very friendly.

13) increased my income

I quickly took on additional jobs so that I could repair the financial damage of my relationship and our break up. I searched craigslist, asked my current employers and aggressively put my name in at every place I could think of that offered pay and flexible hours. I took on odd jobs, contract work...you name it, I did it.

14) started my emergency fund

Yup, it took nearly being homeless and bankrupted by a relationship gone wrong for me to do - but that's when I start paying myself that 10% a pay cheque.

And eventually, I....

15) read up on personal finance - specifically for single ladies

Along with various "For Dummies" books about stock investing and value investing, I read "The Everything Guide to Personal Finance for Single Mothers". I am not a single mother, but it was the only version of the "Everything" personal finance series that I could get as an ebook from the New York Public Library. It might be the best thing I ever did. I had been given most of the financial advice made in the book at other times. I can't say I followed all the advice the book gave. What really change my life was the book's bottom line descriptions of poverty stats - that most desperately poor people are women (often widowed women). It is worth reading just for the wake up call. It also contains descriptions of how wealthy people manage their own finances (i.e. buy used, not new etc.).

16) started aggressively decreasing my debt and conservatively investing

This took a little longer for me to get rolling on that I thought it would. Eventually, I started taking a more active hand in lowering my debt and preparing for retirement.

How did I break up on a budget? In short, I ditched the apartment, cut costs and increased income as quickly as possible.

Have I recovered? Emotionally - yes....years ago. Financially - almost. It took me about 6 weeks to recover from the immediate costs of a the break up (moving, the many phone bills etc), in part because I immediately moved to reduce day to day and break up costs. It has taken me a few more years to recover from the debt acquired during the relationship...but that's a story for another time.

If I were postdoctoral funding.....

.....where would I be?

Short musing today on the decision all doctoral candidates have to make at some point.

How many more years can you stand to be someone else's b#$%^ for very little money.

There are three options for any graduating doctoral student in the sciences

1) quit academia for the lush life of cube sitting at an NGO/gov office/corporation and using that statistics course you had to take first year

2) quit research and go for a lectureship or company-based R&D

3) go into research as a post-doc in someone else's lab.

Number 3 can further be broken down into

i) interview for positions where you will be paid ~37K annually out of someone else's grant or start up funds and spend the next 2-3 years completing that research relatively hassle-free (extremely rare).

ii) interview for positions where you will be paid ~37K annually out of someone else's grant or start up funds and spend the next 3-10 years desperately trying to meet the requirements of someone else's research program......someone getting paid much more than you, to go home at night, see their spouse and read to their children while you, underling-being-paid-annually-approximately-$3000-for-every-year-of-your-post-secondary-education, sleep with your head on a bench and are subjected to lectures about how only very special scientists can manage a career and a life/kids and that you are clearly not one of those scientists (very, very common).

iii) interview with P.I.s with explicit interest of bringing your own research money to their lab, thus granting yourself some research autonomy by at least providing for your own wage slightly above 37K (rare).

Option 3-iii is the ideal. If I'm going to spend another 2-4 years in graduate-style poverty, I might as well being doing research that I want to do.

First, I must find the grants.

Under $10 indulgence #1 - Mighty Leaf Tea

Little gifts to me are a big part of how I brought my spending under control. When I first moved to New York, I was dropping plastic cards down on high end designer shoes and purses. I ate out every night and drank expensive drinks..and cheap drinks...well...I mean, I drank like a graduate student. I drank a lot. Every little bit of it went on a credit card.

My income, however, had dropped to lower than a 1/3 of what it had been the year before when I was viably employed. When you earn less than $15K a year, Chanel shoes and regular drinks and dinner at Pravda should be well out of your reach. They, of course, were well out of my reach. I spend this way because I felt inadequate. Around then of my second year in New York I realized what a mess I had had made and decided to get myself out of it.

I had about $20K in credit card debt, a failing marriage and a bit of no-starter degree. The very first thing I did was set about earning some extra cash. I took a term off of my degree to earn some extra cash and managed to clear 1/2 the debt. I divorced my husband - a man who made me unhappy and who had very, very unhealthy spending habits. When I returned to school 5 months later, I started a savings account and developed a plan to clear the rest of the debt on my lower graduate income. I took up extra teaching positions, a college assistant position and I worked out a debt repayment record and plan for myself. The divorce, the debt repayment all made me feel better about myself. So as to not feel deprived, I changed the meanings of the words "splurge" and "deserve". A "splurge" became an item I could afford within my actually income, but the cost of which would not help me noticeably reduce my debt. "Deserve" came to mean items that would not interfere with my debt reduction or savings.

I worked out that I could afford a $10 item every month or so that would be just for me and would make me feel special. At times this item has been an extra $10 so I could get a fancy shampoo. Other times, it has been a movie I really wanted to see. Most of the time I bank it to buy higher priced items like clothing. This month, it is Mighty Leaf Tea.

I love tea. My firm belief that a warm drink = warm thoughts has recently be substantiated by a study published in Science . Mighty Leaf Tea Company is a Californian company that produces whole leaf teas wrapped in silken tea bags. Now, I'm not sure if "silken" means "silk", but the company assures the buyer that the pouches are biodegradable. Sadly, the cellophane packges that the bags are placed in do not degrade. A supercool feature of the company's site is character, origin and health benefit information for each tea as well as customer ratings and comments. Honestly, I find the customer ratings more helpful than the company's own description of the tea flavour.

My personal fave Mighty Leaf tea is Orange Dulce, which sells in NYC for about $7.50 for 15 bags (currently $6.96 online). It is a blend of black and green tea leaves with jasmine flowers, vanilla and orange flavours. It is smooth tasting - like chamomile, with hints of wood and citrus. The company claims it tastes a bit like port. I drink port on an almost weekly basis and I don't taste port-like flavours in this tea at all. Still, it is an amazing cuppa.